As much as I reeeeally want to talk about Kylie Minogue’s polarising single ‘Sexercise’ from her 2014 album Kiss Me Once, today’s topic is how you can be King Dick through exercise that focuses on physical performance in the bedroom. I will be calling this ‘sexercise’ (don’t judge me, I was bullied).
Sex is the most intimate physical activity you have, so it’s important that time, energy, and practice is invested in such an important part of any physical relationship. For many, sexual performance is a huge step in forming a physical and emotional connection with someone. Of course, the more sex you have, the more experienced your sexual arsenal becomes, which in turn leaves all parties more satisfied.
Below we’ve featured several exercises as part of a workout that focuses on the fitness aspect of sex, regardless of what position you’re in, or how many people you’re having sex with. Each exercise has a “hard mode” if you have great foundational fitness, or need a bigger challenge. This workout can be done inside or outside, so get your mat, clear the floor, and have some water ready.
Remember to have a proper stretch before your workout, and be mindful of any soreness before starting. Make sure you do this workout at a comfortable pace. Don’t over-exert yourself, and listen to your body!
Each exercise is designed to be completed as 3 sets of 12 reps (or held for 45 seconds).
Upper body strength is important in the bedroom when you’re on top. The following exercises will bulletproof your shoulders, condition your arms, and build the strength that you need to pick up your lover in your big, strong, sexy arms. Doesn’t that sound nice?
- Push-ups: We all know this one! Adjust your hands to be shoulder width apart for the best form. Push-ups are great if you’re dominant, or like a bit of wrestling before completely destroying each other.
- Wall Handstand – This may be a two person exercise for those of that are balance-impaired. Kneel down on to your hands, and gradually walk your legs up the wall until your arms are extended into a handstand. Like pinning your man down? Master the handstand.
- Downward-Facing Dog: Start on all fours with your knees slightly behind your hips, then lift your knees and straighten your legs, followed by your arms. Hold this upside-down ‘V’ shape straight for 45 seconds. This exercise is great for on-top manoeuvrability.
Core strength and stamina are crucial for making every sexual experience last for as long as you want it to. The following exercises focus on building muscles around your abs, back, and pelvis — all of which make a huge difference in sexual endurance. Think Samantha from Sex and the City, but with two dicks.
- Plank: Get in to a push up position, but hold your body up with your forearms. Hold for 45 seconds. Planks excel at helping manage your bodyweight on top of someone.
- Laying leg raise: Lay on your back with your legs extended, then raise your legs up towards a 90 degree angle, then lower back down and repeat. This intense move helps with any upright sex moves, such as having someone over a desk, park bench, or balcony.
- Hindu push-up: Start in downward-facing dog position again, then drive your hips towards your hands while straightening your back and neck upright. Push back up to downward-facing dog. Probably the most sexual exercise in this routine, the hindu push-up is for gettin’ that gyration goin’.
Flexibility in your hips, thighs and lower back are important for expanding your repertoire of sexual positions and bedroom versatility. Your pelvic floor may hold a lot of tension from daily stress, so keeping it relaxed is important. Not all of us have a physiotherapist’s fingers up our ass. True story.
The following exercises focus on loosening your hips, lowering that pelvic floor, and toning up your butt.
- Deep Bodyweight Squat: Sit down in to a squat position and hold for 45 seconds. This exercise is great for opening up your lower back, hamstrings, and ankles. Squats are the most obvious exercise, but holding a deep squat opens up your hips and improves general d*ck-taking comfortability.
- Standing elevated lunge: Securely place a foot up behind you on an elevated step or bench. Slowly lower your body until the knee of your elevated leg nearly touches, then drive back up through your front leg the floor from the ball of your foot. This exercise is great for toning up your butt while strengthening your inner-legs, particularly when you’re doing it sideways.
- Glute raise: Lay on your back with your knees bent and feet on the floor. Lift your hips off the ground until your knees, hips, and shoulders form a straight line while squeeze your glutes at the top. Hold this position for a few seconds before easing back down. This exercise is great for satisfying on-top cowboys by giving them the hardest, ball-slappiest thrusting possible.
Have a 10-15 minute stretch after your workout to let your muscles wind down, and take note of any exercises that you found difficult or might help you the most in be. Feel free to add any additional strengthening exercises into your routine that are best suited to your current physical condition. Complete this workout 3-5 times per week mixed in with some cardio, and you’ll be doing a triple backflip on to your mans d*ck in no time.